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June 16, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Long Island strip club held a promotion over the weekend where the first 100 dads to arrive on Fathers’ Day received free admission and a complimentary lap dance. The fathers were encouraged to...
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June 17, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Sunday night, the San Antonio Spurs beat the Miami Heat 104-87 to take home the NBA championship. The Spurs beat the Heat in not seven, not six, but five games. 2. Sunday night, the San Antonio...
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July 7, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Louisiana Republican seeking to unseat Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu announced on Thursday that his unwed teenage daughter is pregnant. Or, as it is referred to in Louisiana, a non-story. 2. On...
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July 8, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Self-service beer stations are up and running at Minnesota’s Target Field ahead of next week’s MLB All-Star Game. The self-service machines are called DraftServ, or, as they will come to be known...
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September 10, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new report, the number of women in New York who have to wear government-issued ankle bracelets is up nearly 4,000 percent. Begging the question, exactly how many ankles does Lindsay...
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October 15, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, on Twitter, singer Demi Lovato jokingly announced that she agreed to marry a five-year-old fan who proposed to her at her last concert. Because, apparently, if you’re underage and ask...
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January 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. The U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan formally ended its combat mission last week, more than 13 years after an international coalition ousted the Taliban government. Said former President George W....
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January 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new survey, most people trust Google more as a source for current events than traditional news outlets. While the most trusted source for non-current events is still your mom. 2....
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May 20, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Chinese businessman has reportedly spent $8 million to hire a Japanese porn star to be his personal assistant for the next fifteen years. Funny story about the first time he asked her to ‘take a...
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June 4, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Four people who cheered, allegedly excessively, for loved ones at a high school graduation ceremony in Senatobia, Mississippi were arrested and fined for disturbing the peace. But, in their defense,...
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November 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, 74-year-old presidential candidate Bernie Sanders joined Snapchat. Bernie’s followers can expect a lot of messages about income inequality and a lot of pictures of the inside of his...
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February 3, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. It was announced on Tuesday, that James Corden, host of CBS’s “Late Late Show”, will emcee this year’s Tony Awards. Or, as people who tune into the awards will think of it, “Man, Neil Patrick Harris...
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February 9, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In response to a college student telling Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush that the 2016 election would be his first time voting, the former Florida governor said, “I want to be your...
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February 16, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the court’ most outspoken conservative judge, died in his sleep. And I think it’s only fair that all the women in the U.S. get to decide now what...
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March 22, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, the hashtag #LoveTwitter was treading because it was Twitter’s tenth birthday. Although you gotta be careful with that because the last time someone proclaimed their love for something...
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May 27, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, U.S. health officials reported the first case of a patient with an infection resistant to all known antibiotics. To learn more about this infection talk to the guy coughing on you on...
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June 2, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a new interview, pregnant actress Megan Fox said she recently moved homes because her unborn baby told her to. But, since Fox starred in a Michael Bay “Transformers” movie, her baby is only the...
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July 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gave a speech at a Pennsylvania recycling plant in front of a giant pile of trash. Said Chris Christie, “I’ve been called worse.” 2....
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July 13, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich said, if he were asked by Donald Trump to be his running mate it would not be am automatic yes. Presumably because he’d have to finish chewing the hoagie in...
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July 19, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Germany is planning new legislation to require manufacturers of cars equipped with autopilot to install a black box to help determine responsibility in the event of an accident. As opposed to every...
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