1. A Louisiana Republican seeking to unseat Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu announced on Thursday that his unwed teenage daughter is pregnant. Or, as it is referred to in Louisiana, a non-story.
2. On Thursday, the Supreme Court gave Wheaton College, a Christian university, a temporary exemption from the birth control coverage required under Obamacare. So, if you’re daughter goes to Wheaton and gains the freshman fifteen, you better hope it’s because of food.
3. Scientists studying the effects of the psychedelic chemical in “magic” mushrooms found the human brain displays a similar pattern of activity when dreaming. Said one scientist, “What if the mushrooms are studying us, man?”
4. Over the weekend, Joran van der Sloot got married to a Venezuelan woman while serving his 28-year prison sentence for murder. The couple agreed to love and honor each other until death due them part in exactly 28 years.
5. Over the weekend, Joran van der Sloot got married to a Venezuelan woman while serving his 28-year prison sentence for murder. Begging the question, can you be an accomplice to your own murder.
6. Before competitive eater Joey Chesnut took home his record eighth straight Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Friday, he asked his girlfriend to marry him. Because, as everyone knows, you always pop the question before you eat 61 hotdogs in ten minutes, never after.
7. Before competitive eater Joey Chesnut took home his record eighth straight Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Friday, he asked his girlfriend to marry him. Which is smart, because if he choked on a hot dog during the competition, he could have been his own ‘something blue.’
8. Before competitive eater Joey Chesnut took home his record eighth straight Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Friday, he asked his girlfriend to marry him. And I’m already afraid for the waiter who has to carry the tray of pigs-in-a-blankets at the wedding reception.
9. According to a Brazilian newspaper, all eight teams still playing in soccer’s World Cup as of last week allowed their players to have sex during their training. “See!!!!!” said Tiger Woods.
10. Shock-jock Anthony Cumia, one half of the popular “Opie & Anthony” radio show, was fired over the weekend for racially charged tweets. Good luck finding another Anthony to replace him that is xenophobic and sexist and … oh, you found one, that was quick.
